Apparently nicknamed ‘Boyvision’ by his games master at school, due to his uncanny ability to pick out opponents with long-distance passes, something has gone terribly wrong in the interim. Simon has now been labelled ‘Red Mist Man’ – if you want to find out why try kicking him off the ball or calling his mum a slapper. The one word that sums up this boy is passion. As one of the longest serving Old Boys, save for a brief break at the start of season 2012-3, Simon has held virtually every position in the club, experiencing the joys of the league AGM, pissing players off with his tactical tinkering while captain, or allowing the squad to freeze to death while trying to explain a training drill. Taker of one of the worst penalties ever seen in a cup final in season 2001/2, Simon was described on an opposition scouting report as a “40-year old defender”, a description that irritated him as in reality he’s even older than that. As an occasional fill in he is also officially the shortest goalkeeper ever to play senior football.